Because I Can

18thAug. × ’10

Because I have recognized
that this school does not work
I am leaving for another.

All of you who I have professed
to do my best by are going to stay
because you don’t have another option.
Because your mother doesn’t have time
to help you apply somewhere else
because your test scores weren’t high enough
to spark someone’s interest
because you’ve been suspended a couple of times
or worse because you haven’t
so no one has noticed
that you’re quietly falling
behind the rest of the class
because you’re well behaved so no one pays enough attention
because your parents didn’t speak English
so they didn’t stay through the session
to best inform them how to enter the lottery
for the next semester
because I have melt downs at least once a week now
about how I am impotent to make a difference
because I find it hard to smile on my way to school
because I’m no longer inspired by maintaining the façade of order
because the person next door and on the other side
burnt out so long ago they don’t even know what it means to try
because the system is too big so why does it matter
because originality was annihilated with bureaucratic power
because increments take adding to sums that I have no more patience to wait for
because this country is supposed to have it all figured out
because this isn’t technically a slum
because of the fake American dream
because prosperity gets dangled like an arcade game prize
the mechanical arm grasping without feelings associated with real neurons
because numbers and statistics aren’t going to save you
because computers can’t systematize a solution
because caring is limited
because caring isn’t enough
because we have to make decisions, pull triggers
decide to leave, make haste, get rushed
because we want to make a difference right now
because circumstances aren’t excuses
no matter how they’re amalgamated
no matter how someone else deals
because your own clock is all you have
because what you do each day is the only check-point
because every moment you could have done something else
because change is necessary
because I’m sorry you’re a pawn
because we’re trying our hardest to balance a lot of need
because it’s hard to watch what falls through the cracks
because it’s hard to know what’s gone underneath
because risks become associated with pain
because I meant to do no harm and it’s hard to live that way
because at some point I thought I’d be the President
and now I’m struggling with making judgments
about people who have tried and failed and why that happened
because I hope where I go next will have a better grasp
on getting someplace at a better speed
because I don’t have the confidence to stand on a pedestal and declare my way the best
because I’m only starting to understand that I’m a pixel within a bigger picture
because I don’t know my role
artist or architect? What’s more powerful?
Because I’ll always wish there were a better way
because since meeting you I’ll never face a day the same
because I hope to come back better prepared someday
because I can.

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