Bookshelf

23rd
Feb. × ’10

An overfull bookshelf
once read             gone
unremembered other than
good                      bad
recommended     not
mandatory supposed to
in need of guidance on postmodern non-references alluded to
(taunting: what you miss
ruins it).

Twenty-one books by C.P. Snow
your father gave you
to better understand the depression
bound into three volumes
seven books a pop
too heavy to carry around
becoming stained
by the nightly water glass
on your bed stand.

You meant to
read International Relations in Political Thought
(rapidly becoming outdated)
before you left the class it came with.

Midnight’s Children
you should have finished,
finally, structure grasped
now, alas you must attempt
to re-orchestrate your brain
fifteen minutes per day,
the daily subway ride
of translocation;
it’s too much to expect
that you could get there from here
but your bookmark keeps moving along
making unremarkable stations.

The Bonfire of the Vanities
sparks summer
memories of reality distant
enough that it was fun
to read about.

Europe Through the Back Door
oh the tangents it takes you too
you really never thought, never thought you knew
that would be the last time
you would spend gallivanting without care
of what might come to pass next
so long as a dirty hostel was available.

Not that much of anything is impossible now
but that space between
what isn’t and what is
grows with the hours you look at this shelf
and wonder what to read.

The Completed Poems of Plath, of Hughes, of Hayden
of all those never enough read
too often thumbed through
sit
sit down
a page at a time
do not proceed
do not return to the bookstore
or the library, or your friend’s house
invest in what you meant to take
into your mind

your time

today.

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Telepathic Morning Reverse Psychology Subway Meditation

21st
Feb. × ’10

When your metro card decides to malfunction
squeeze through the turnstile with a stranger.

Carry your bicycle over your shoulder
during rush hour, glare when people touch it.

On a dare, piss between the moving cars,
then discuss while frenching your girlfriend.

Put your feet up on the adjacent seat,
occupy at least two spots with your baggage.

Blast your headphones loud enough for strangers
to hear just the bass of your Ricky Martin mix.

Eat greasy food and wipe your hands on the pole
spill coffee and blame the disposable lid.

Blast an eighties boom box, plink an old keyboard,
abuse children publicly, stare angrily at strangers.

Preach about Jesus and hating white people, say:
“Take that beauty stuff and shove it up you’re a**.

Find the cure to cancer instead.  I tell Ms. America that,”
don’t forget, curse loudly, add on, “F*** God while you’re at it.”

Perform gymnastics down the narrow isle,
nearly smash your head, slap the ceiling for effect.

Don’t mind the gap, feed the rats, trip up the stairs.
Slip on the wet floor, touch the third rail.

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Teaching Imperialism to Ten-Year-Olds

19th
Feb. × ’10

How was it when
some teacher stood before
century old ten-year-olds and said,
“We’ve conquered here
we’ve conquered there,”
and,
“This is how to read a key:
you’ll find the red, is Britain’s land,
100 times our island’s size
our empire expands,
by staked flags and dropkicked souls
fledgling governments disband.”

Did her voice betray sarcasm,
and did the kids respond, hooray?
Or is it more like today,
my voice straddling objective,
while kids keep and keep on asking
adeptly pointed questions?

I suppose it’s how we started too
Danckaerts and his voyaging crew
sought Breukelen for its tolerance
signed false treaties, not alliances.
Not that they would know that yet,
(Stay neutral you
I say to me
coach myself
with little lies
Christopher Columbus still heroic
in their tooth-fairied mind’s eyes.)
American history comes next year,
and anyway,
let them be children
read young adult books
about cliques and cats.

Grasping for reference points,
I explain it like this:
“Think of your pets,
they like to piss,
on areas to claim their own.
Once in the wild
pre-full-landfill problems,
this would have been mild,
but times have changed
and now we’re armed
with litter boxes
of chemical pellets
so we think it’s alright
to destroy
things not done our way
and that’s what’s wrong with imperialism, class.”

“Wait, why would we bomb them
if we want to help?”

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Things I’ve Been Meaning To Do

14th
Feb. × ’10
  1. Juice cleanse;
  2. Buy goggles;
  3. Swim;
  4. Go to the orthodontist;

for realignment of
one derailing tooth,
due to soothing symmetry undone
induced cowardice
notions of self-confidence gone
in all realms once reigned confident,
exempli gratia:
Is it ok to keep teaching when
pseudo relation number three
and previous competitor number four
got into Harvard Law?

From deep within
an insight crawls:
It’s not about Harvard.
It’s not about law.
Phew, the tooth’s root ache—
neurology prevails;
cheer, here, here:
unfortunately, it’s self, and the actions of
the clock ticking
who has the credit card
with the miles
and why it matters
if I meant for this to be the way
things ended
up and am I mad at myself
for not prophesizing the future, again?

Why do I treat my life
like a math problem
I was never good at?

The concept of success so vague
and still fighting it everyday
battling like it’s as real as the not dream
of a dream within a dream
sweaty sheets all day long
as if I have control of the brittleness
of my nails
the way my canine sticks out
in my father’s image.

However, the flowers
in a bouquet
are not hereditary.

Watch a point in the distance,
unaware,
feet walk you there
geographing,
the coy, corrosive, coordinated dance
of systemization.

5. Accept a smile
is not about the reflection.

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Temper Tantrum

14th
Feb. × ’10

Broken glass
from a car window
dresses a curbed Christmas tree
the holidays have ended.

“I don’t care
if I never get a job
and live alone with my moms
for the rest of my life
I’m not gonna read
today,”
stamping his little 6th grade foot.

Guilt tripping it seems
creates a comic scene
but seeing as
scar tissue amasses
when wounds go
untreated
we must take this seriously
sit down and discuss
your commitment
to your group.

Soon we’re reading
plowing through zombi-like sentence after sentence
recitation when someone steps up to say,
“What does civilization mean?”

“Like civil war?”

“Like civil rights”
associations abound
in your budding minds
and you agree
it means a place
where people agree to be
together
somehow.

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Superheroes

14th
Feb. × ’10

Many kids go unshielded
from many taboos,

becoming unclear
in purpose
on learning,
how to read,
why to care,
what to do.

On reaching the appropriate age
to know enough
to be afraid
of what is revealed
when they speak up,
they go
silent
(minus making a scene,
getting a laugh, being at ease
with being left out
of what seriousness means).

Suddenly they want to read (what a coup)
an article about “Halo Two,”
a long, laborious, video game review,
hold your groan, you seek escape daily,
in success’s pursuit.

Wondrous wonders when someone says,
“What does that mean,”

“What, sequel?” another deigns, ”Oh you know like…”
then trails away,
alone unable to explain.

So someone steps up, “Like one more,”
the smart contagion swells,
the snowball gains core—
“A series,” another sputters
and finally the unsure one
sure enough,
“It’s number two,
like the title,”
(with that chest puffed-up
“duh” look in his eye)—
at long last, with confidence,
he speaks up.

Right, they agree, and read on
stumbling over “innovation”
which they say is like sequel
only unrelated to what came before.

Finding this funny they laugh
the uncomfortable laughter
of teenage achievement—
a joke to be made
for every promotive
moment gained.

Then they discuss whether they want to be
heroes in this future
world or not.

“Not if I was eleven.”

“Well how old would you need to be?”

“Twenty.”

Now I find myself amused.

They turn around quickly
look at me confused
equally invested now
in weighty contemplation—
nothing funny about their potential
saving the world
nine years from now.

Education’s promise persists;
the posturing
of prospective superheroes.

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Tick-Tock

14th
Feb. × ’10

A clock taunts me to hurry down the aisle
like a dog burying feces in concrete.
We run on adrenaline for a while,
sleep deprivation masking our defeat.

Like a dog burying feces in concrete
we follow the said systems and structures
Sleep deprivation masking our defeat;
the masquerade of the too-busy monsters.

We follow the said systems and structures,
make a calendar with too many dates.
The masquerade of the too-busy monsters
carry on, find a partner, partake.

Make a calendar with too many dates
triple the recipe’s ingredients
carry on, find a partner, partake
keeping time, staying calm, having patience.

Triple the recipe’s ingredients
we run on adrenaline for a while
keeping time, staying calm, having patience
a clock taunts me to hurry down the aisle.

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Aspirational Regrets

17th
Jan. × ’10

“When the gods want to punish us, they answer our prayers.”—Oscar Wilde

It’s hard to know
which details to heed;
what to grant more attention
than less.

If unseen,
one thing may lead
to another kid being thrown in the trash[1],
the recess rumor mill afoot,
(the detective inherently too late.
For example,
it is unwise to twist this pen cap
in my mouth—
whose paws it passed before
my own, unknown.)

At the morning meeting
the principal reminds us
not to fall victim to negativity,
giving up included.

I try not to snap or smirk
when an eleven-year-old giggles
during my solemn lecture
on Afghanistan.
How incongruous
they know better
how to filter.

Later, during writing,
someone drafts a Christmas wish list,
while someone else inquires
as to the meaning
of composure,
answered by another child’s
solution: impromptu hyperbolic imitation
of a conductor of symphonies.

Amidst the chaos
I wish for the ability to see
what most matters.


[1] literally

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Quiz About Me

17th
Jan. × ’10

Christian has written a quiz
and begged I copy it for the class,
for us all to take.

The questions start mundane:
Which color is my favorite?

  1. red
  2. black
  3. blue
  4. yellow

And later broach:
How many girls have I dated?

  1. 10
  2. 90
  3. 32
  4. 46

When grading, he tells me I got that one wrong
“The answer’s ‘d,’”
and when I raise an eyebrow he says:
“From Head Start[1] up.”

It’s followed immediately by:
How many books have I finished?

  1. 0
  2. 2
  3. 6
  4. 4

A.  I say,
smile and sigh

It’s never about what you get wrong
it’s about how to fix it.

He tells me I can retake it
at the end of the year.

“You too,” I say,


[1] Government pre-k program for kids from poor families with early signs of learning disabilities.

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The Distance An Ant Has to Crawl

24th
Oct. × ’09

The distance an ant covers is infinite
(compared to it)
me or you
could take a few strides,
but in whose steps can we
become?

Young boys choose dinosaurs
to compare
refusing the ultimate
distance
blissfully unaware
of the end.

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